Gutted. Love.

I still feel you sometimes. It is out of no where, unprovoked. I move forward, into my stillness. Into my creativity. The artist feels. The artist delves deeply.

It is a sunny day, beautiful. I am very grateful. Then, I see a butterfly. Grateful still. I say a silent prayer of thanks. Soaking in the sunlight. Free.

Then, out of the inner recesses of my mind, you come. I see you. I feel you. It is not a memory, because those I am prepared for and ready to combat that. Like a steady warrior, I know how to slay the memories. As a warrior, not fully prepared for you to come back in spirit. Suddenly gutted. Unable to breathe. On the verge of tears. Fighting.

Deep shallow breaths. Get back control. Shame. Why do you do that to me still? Why is there an impact? Racing. About to lose control.

Then, prayer. Mediation. No mantra, only wholeness.

Stillness.

Release.

Acceptance.

I still love you. I need to be honest and free. Then, the shame will go away and the light will get in further. I still love you, I will always love you. A part of me will always love you, anyway. Until, I remain honest and allow the feeling to come in and go through me. Until, I feel everything fully and with honesty…I will not feel the rainbow after the rain.

I asked for full healing and progress. I asked to be my full self. The universe delivered.

I heal, still healing. Mostly light, mostly whole. Just a little bit left, but I am still moving forward. Knowing, that one day you will no longer have this power over me. You will no longer have a hold on my heart. Soul attached. Soul in love. It’s deeper this time. He won’t let you go this easily. But, he doesn’t know that I’m a warrior. I will be free.

There is another, worthy, more loving. Gratitude. Freedom. Love of self and another, again.

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Author: Sparkle

Recovering perfectionist encouraged to blog so I no longer over-think and try to produce the best-written items in the world. Just trying to write, even if it's not perfect. It will help me along my journey and might help another person too.

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