Today, I did something that I have been meaning to do for a long time. Today, I finally managed to download a book I wanted from Audibles, called “Finding Your Own North Star” by Martha Beck.
You see, I’m part of a book club that meets monthly, to discuss meaningful books that will propel ourselves and our minds. This book was one of the recommendations, but we never read.
I’ve been lost for a while and going back into what I know career-wise – pharma/biotech. This is not a fun or fulfilling career, but it pays well and is secure (very tempting, safety…security…illusion…delusion…as I make myself sick). I won’t get into it here, but I’ve had several set-backs over the years, as if the universe was telling me something. The universe was telling me exactly what my inner consciousness was trying to tell me, but I was too afraid to face: I need a major career change. One far away from the psychopaths that lurk in pharma, which is another story altogether.
I always knew that I was different and did not conform to my cultural norms. I walk and walked alone…it was way harder when I was younger. Therefore, it should not be hard to be different and not conform to the need for the illusion of security…right? Ah, but when there’s a sense of security involved, it is tougher.
After several “rebirths” and serendipitous moments, I am working on my Masters degree in psychology and neuroscience. During this time, since it is a part-time Masters degree I have been looking for a new job. After several almost…maybe…great positions, there is continued failure (I will not get into everything on this forum).
Force does not bring you what you want, instead facing truths, trying, and letting go will steer the way.
After speaking with a good friend after this week’s book club meeting – I finally admitted to and am facing my truth. I hate everything about pharma, really, it’s not all good and evil…but a lot of evil. Not everyone is psycho, but it’s not for me. I want to turn my back on that career path and spend time searching, mediating, and figuring out my next step. Thankful and grateful that I have this opportunity versus cursing myself.
Force does not bring you what you want, instead facing truths, trying, and letting go will steer the way. Wanting and desiring less has been my current feeling, which should absolve me from my crutch of money and need for the illusion of security in pharma, as it made me sick.
This brings me back to today, after months on my wish list I bought the audio book “Finding Your Own North Star”. Right at chapter 2, the author discussed something that has been looming in my mind. This is Taoist (kind of like my own cultural and spiritual beliefs) – saying and reiterating that my concept of working really really hard at something that I really want will not work, instead taking a step back to breathe and let things sort themselves out is the way to go. This does not mean, be a lazy ass and lose focus. It means, put the intent out there, breathe, let your inner self guide you…and let the flow happen. It is not new age bullshit (I reiterate the bullshit part, excluding persons who are positive and spiritual) – Instead, it is supported by science and believed in by millions of cultures, including my background.
This belief system is kind of how I got into my Masters program without realising it – I dreamed about a program that was research-based and available part-time (and a whole bunch of other things that I never thought would really happen, but really wanted it). One day, while doing my usual job search, which included surfing LinkedIn, I stumbled upon a prestigious university that was offering courses.
Curious me, I clicked and read about the program which seemed to be something that I wanted but didn’t take too seriously (As if I’d even get in, I thought). I signed up to receive an email for more information. Long story short, after forgetting and getting contacted by the university, which I was not expecting, and thinking it was fake or a program that they were desperate to fill…I ignored the 1st phone call they booked (they were late to call me by over 30min). Basically, what ended up happening was – not only was this is competitive program, it was at one of the best in the world. I say to my Teaching Fellow now that it all seemed serendipitous.
I spend years agonising over how and when I’d get to do my Masters – Low and behold, right when I was tired of going back and forth between 2 paths, I had boldly told my therapist and good friend that I was going to follow my dreams/heart versus money. Then, within weeks I randomly clicked on obtaining more information from this program (not so random, because it was my interest, more random that it popped up…I hadn’t even Googled anything, because that would explain it, Google stalks us all for “recommendations” and ads). I’m not tooting my own horn, instead I’m in disbelief – I guess, as I type I’m reminding myself that I’ve listened to the advice of letting go and follow your bliss before. So, this time, when I’m scared as hell…
Don’t be stagnant, but be still, so you move with the river of solitude. The river of solitude will help guide you, naturally, to where you need to be.
I should just remember, that it all works out in the end and to trust my inner guidance. This book and listening to it today, was random (I didn’t think it would say the Taoist theory). It is just funny, because I was finally ready and the right message came at the right time. I know we psychologically (not magically) attract these things, but it is still cool (and I can believe in magic too). Forget the logical mind that is always “running” and allow the stillness to arise. Don’t be stagnant, but be still, so you move with the river of solitude. The river of solitude will help guide you, naturally, to where you need to be. I will use my own Northern Star as a guide and continue with my adventure, which is currently steering along the river of light…
Note: 1st image is from my personal Audible account. All other images are courtesy of Pexels, free stock photos.