What do I mean when I say “avoid brownies on the first-date”? Why wouldn’t anyone want a nice, warm, and delicious treat to enjoy? Especially, a lovely treat while partaking in some fascinating first-date conversation pieces, such as, “what’s your favourite colour?” or the timeless “So, do you like your job and what exactly do you do for a living?”
I was about 23 at the time and did something daring (for me) – I agreed to meet a guy for coffee and a movie in downtown Toronto (I live in the suburbs and usually met people there or half-way). I was a bit smart though, I made sure we met near one of my good friend’s apartments, in case of emergency. Also, I say daring for me at the time, because though I had been steadily dating men, I had very little online dating experience and did not fully get a good look at the guy before agreeing to meet with him (bad idea, not shallow – you can somewhat assess a person).
Firstly, I would like to say that I wore my last pair of disposable contacts, something I regret to this day – what a waste of good hair, makeup, and contacts lol. Then again, it’s not like I am lament over shaving my legs for something useless, which is another story I’m sure many can relate to. For my brownie experience, at least I have a story for my friends who have laughed at me for years; well; at least my adventures bring joy to their lives. I am doing the Lord’s work that way I guess.
I met the guy at Yonge Dundas square, a safe and open environment, and the first thing he did was stare at my chest, openly. Now, at the time my chest was not really exposed nor was it that large (I was pushing A, maybe borderline B). I ignored it, because I didn’t understand what he was looking at with such fervor. I will say this, he was not my type physically and behaviourally, it was as if I was the first female he had ever seen in life. I didn’t want to be shallow, plus I already put in those darn contacts – So, we did go to the coffee shop, where I ordered a simple coffee while he had coffee and a brownie.
“at least I have a story for my friends who have laughed at me for years; well; at least my adventures bring joy to their lives. I am doing the Lord’s work that way I guess.”
We sat down for a bit of conversation and coffee. He proceeded to just act geeky, but not dangerous, so I was not scared and decided to give him a chance. However, I really do think that I was the first female he had ever seen, because he couldn’t really contain himself. It got worse; he decided to enjoy his pastry and proceeded to maul his brownie. He didn’t eat the whole thing, but most of it. That wasn’t the bad part; it was him then talking with his mouth full of brownie with the sexiest residue of brownie jammed onto his teeth.
I didn’t know what to do, because I was younger and in shock, so I continued to listen while probably giving a traumatized look. He proceeded to have a lovely conversation with “full on” brownie all over his teeth – Later, when I told a friend about this incident, she said “well, that’s just rude” and that he shouldn’t be carrying on a conversation with a mouth full of brownie with brownie stains on his teeth. By the way, it looks worse than it sounds, you had to be there. I only advise people, please, if you are on a date, ever, do not eat a brownie – If you must enjoy a brownie, be mindful of possible brownie on the teeth stains. It is not a sexy look, believe me. It’s like he brushed his teeth with $h!t.
After coffee, I did continue on the date…but, only because I really wanted to watch the latest X-Men movie (side note: I paid my own ticket, I don’t let men pay fully if I think they’re weird – I was young, now I’d politely handle the entire situation differently). So, we went to the movies where he did try to “get close to me”, but he thankfully had no skills and I avoided him to watch the movie. Ok, the brownie was bad, but he complained and felt the need to discuss the loop-holes within X-Men during the movie and that was just annoying. Safe to say, I heard his quick vent about the ending and how unrealistic it was – It’s a friggen superhero movie, what did you expect a critically acclaimed Oscar film? Nope!
Anyway, he was harmless at least.
I never spoke with him again. Though he did send me an email afterwards (it was like 10 years ago) and I politely declined another meeting. Since then, I refuse to go to the movies with any guy unless it’s like our 4th or 5th date, because I like to get to know them a bit more vs being stuck avoiding creepiness or complaining during the film.
After my brownie story, I told a friend that I was experiencing dating burn-out and needed time away. Clearly, I needed time away…I just sat there in disbelief while a grown man was talking with his mouth full of brownie (with full stains on his teeth). Normally, I would politely do something. Also, if I had to ask one more introductory or “getting to know you” question, I was going to scream! So, yeah, I took some time off after the brownie stains experience.